Hello friends, so today I’d have to say that I’m really ticked off! Why? The eerie face of jealousy has shown its light upon me. Sigh! Someone that I’m very close with made a slang reference toward me, basically stating that I’m conceited. From a stranger, this wouldn’t have made a difference, but to come from someone who I love and trust, that was bogus! I couldn’t believe it, my heart still hurts. For anyone else that knows me they would say that I am far from conceited, but from this one person, they analyze everything that I do and turn good intentions to bad ones.
Ever since I have become a published author it’s been getting worse. My heart is full of dreams and they are always quick to point out how easily I will fail at them. They are quick to point out that I’m not a success, I haven’t sold many books and I only have a couple of ratings. I am seriously pained by their spiteful comments that cut through me like a knife, all because I briefly looked down at my cell phone to check my emails while visiting with relatives. I was told that I think I’m better than everyone else and you know what, in some ways I believe that I am.
Here is why, I don’t give in to depression. I’ve had beyond difficult struggles and times in my life and I’m not addicted to drugs, to alcohol or any other bad or dangerous addictions. I don’t make excuses for my life. I’ve made a lot of mistakes-a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned from them. I’m a good mother, a good wife, even though this person would be quick to tell you otherwise and point out that I don’t always cook, I don’t enjoy cleaning, or other (to me) tedious things. My house may not be spotless, but I do a darn good job of making sure it’s not a mess.
There is a difference between confidence and conceit and yes I am confident because I have worked very hard to get where I am and where I have yet to go. To have four kids, two jobs, three now (including my writing career that this person doesn’t count because I haven’t gotten paid six digits) and to be getting stuff done, I deserve to be confident. I deserve to take pride in my work, my writing, myself. How dare this person, try to lower me and to break me down after the countless times that I have tried to build them up. Why is that? Why do people do that? Why does this person constantly try to break me?
I don’t ever go around bragging about my accomplishments, but I should. A Master’s Degree I would have thought would be unattainable to me ever in life five years ago. I worked really hard at it, even though I don’t have a paycheck to match the effort I put into it and still owe a ton of money to Great Lakes Credit Union on. To think that this person who I’ve gone out of my way for on countless occasions could say such horrible things, takes so much out of me. It makes me sad and it makes me want to cry, even though I don’t because their comments are not worth my tears. Even so, my chest feels like it collapses out of the stress their comments have added to my life.
This is where it gets difficult, I don’t want to hold a grudge. I don’t want to hate them, but how many times do I have to forgive this same person for their cruel comments? I can’t exactly walk away from them. I don’t want to forgive them. I want to be spiteful toward them and I am trying so hard and praying that God will help me find it in my heart to forgive them once again. I guess it’s just one of those days. I’m sure that I’ll get over it. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you, whoever you may be, to let you know that we all have those people in our lives who are quick to bring us down, who are quick to fill our heads with negativity and doubt. How we deal with them, effects on how we get over whatever sour statements that they make.
I know I’m not all that, but I am something special and so are you, all of you. Even that very yucky person that attempts to fill my life with negativity. Yes they are something special too and I forgive them.