Weekend Writing Warriors #8SUNDAY


What a week.  I am exhausted and have half a house to clean.  Yikes.  Let’s blame the full moon and the increased positive ions in the air.  🙂

I’m going to have to skip through the rest of my holiday book, because boy we’re getting close to Christmas now.  I’ve jumped ahead about two chapters and we find ourselves at a point in the story where Yasmin has just been called to the tow lot with her friend Officer Colon, aka Emmanuel.  Just when we thought we’d never see Travis again, he has to show up at the lot as the car is under both of their names.  Let’s see what happens.  *Please note, I’ve rearranged some periods and commas to fit this scene into eight sentences, our requirement.

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“Yes.” He said, tossing the keys to me. “You owe me $150 dollars when you get a job.”

Travis turned to walk back to his new girlfriend and Emmanuel reached forward and grabbed his shoulder.

“Here,” Emmanuel said reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet.

He carefully counted out $150 dollars and handed it to Travis.  As Travis took the money from him their eyes met.

“Now Yasmin doesn’t owe you anything,” Emmanuel said.

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Be sure to visit all of the other fabulous weekend Writing Warriors by clicking here:  http://www.wewriwa.com/

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About nevasquiresrodriguez

Neva Squires-Rodriguez was born and raised in a neighborhood located on the North Side of Chicago. Mother, Wife, Expert at Multitasking... and now, Author and Columnist for Reflejos Newspaper, Neva creates electrifying stories with a twist. Neva Squires-Rodriguez earned her Masters Degree from National University, a feat which she worked very hard to obtain and says she will work even harder to pay off. She claims to be a typical American, full of dreams that will hopefully get her to a more comfortable lifestyle one day. She says, “God has a plan and I will follow wherever it is that He takes me.”
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19 Responses to Weekend Writing Warriors #8SUNDAY

  1. chellecordero says:

    What a class act. I like Officer Colon. Great 8.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Terrific eight. You set the scene short and sweet with good dialogue.

    Like

  3. Frank Fisher says:

    I agree with Charmaine’s comments – short with nice dialogue. It has me worried for Yasmin. One thing I noticed: you don’t need the dollar sign because you’ve written 150 dollars. The reader knows the number is a dollar amount. But looks good overall.

    Like

  4. burnsmillie says:

    Like that Colon is keeping her from owing. But just a note…poop travels through your colon. Perhaps a name change? That’s all I can think of with that name, made me think he’d be a $#!%. Just my humble opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I second Millie on that one. Not a pleasant name to have. Still, I like him. Seems like a class act. I will say that my feminist radar got pinged a tiny bit. I hope she won’t feel obligated to owe him anything (other than cash) later.

    Like

    • Hi Amalie, don’t worry, she doesn’t owe Emmanuel anything. There is a big surprise at the end of the story, that I wish I could share with you. He is ultimately a good guy, let’s put it like that. 🙂 Never thought of that Colon thing. Jeez, I wish I would have thought of that before the book came out, but yes, it is a last name. 🙂

      Like

  6. caitlinstern says:

    Yikes, the venom in that “when you get a job” comment is impressive. She’s definitely better off owing the Officer.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I liked the scene, Emmanuel’s gesture was excellent and touching. As far as the last name, doesn’t it usually have a tilde accent mark, which of course makes it clear how to pronounce it and the meaning? It did take me a second to do the translation into seeing it as strictly the Spanish name and then I kept reading….happy holidays, good luck with all the tasks on your plate!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Way to go, Emmanuel! Love the tension coming from the ex, too. Nice snippet.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oooh go Emmanuel! Great 8 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. What a great move on Emmanue’s part to show the contrast between a good guy and a jerk. I’m sure it makes an impression on Yasmin. Great snippet!

    Liked by 1 person

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